Christmas Wish List

Usually, on Black Friday, our family gathers in the living room to decorate the tree with the wild assortment of ornaments our family has collected over the years.  We spend the day talking about when we got them, what happened that year, and usually the "oh wow" of getting where we are from where we were. 

Well, for the first time in a very very long time, I was working outside my home on Black Friday.  My daughter is off at college, and it seemed so wrong to do it on Thanksgiving.  Since then, it hasn't seemed right to do it either.  I come up with one excuse or another and it just doesn't get done.

Today, I wasn't working, and had the house pretty much to myself.  I made big plans to get the lights and decorations on the tree, get the decor out, etc.  Never happened.  As I stood there in the living room staring at the bare tree and coming up with new reasons why I can't get it decorated, I had one of my Epiphanies.

We moved into this lovely home in August.  It is everything I have ever wanted in a home, and I plan on being here through the rest of my life.  It's half the size of our last home, and I'm truly grateful not to have to care for all that extra space and its contents.  Since I've been working, I haven't had time to do all the wonderful things I had planned to really make this house our home.  No pictures on the walls, no curtains in the windows - blinds, but no curtains - no new paint, and the list goes on.  Life throws you some curve balls, and sometimes you just have to step back from the plate.

So as I contemplated my sad little tree, I started thinking about all the other things that aren't in the house.  Most of that really important stuff is still in boxes in the garage.  Hmmmm..... 

Hold on!

I've lived here for 5 months, been happier than I've ever been, have the home of my dreams, great schools for my terrific kids, an amazing husband, a brilliant daughter in college, a wonderful job with great coworkers, a warm and friendly community, and a garage full of really important stuff. 

The last few years, we have asked our loved ones not to get our family any Christmas gifts.   If they feel the must get us something, we ask them to make a donation to a charity instead.  For the most part, our friends and family respect our wishes, but there are always a few that feel the need to get that one little thing - usually for our kids - for whatever reason. We don't send holiday cards because frankly we don't have the time, we keep in touch with most folks regularly and we're not the photogenic type. I mean in all reality, we spend $20 on a new widget for Auntie Sandra in the hopes that she likes it, and Auntie Sandra spends $20 on us buying a widget she hopes we will like, so what's the point?  To keep from having a guilty conscious about giving enough?

So, back to the really important stuff in the garage.  I have boxes filled with toys, clothes, furniture, papers - gotta keep those for the IRS though, electronics, appliances, decor, stuff that hasn't been out of boxes in years, heirlooms, memorabilia, mementos, you name it.  Our family has not shed a single tear over whats out there, simply because...its not that important!  My boys have entertained themselves with a few toys and a game console.  I've really not had time to mess with all my hobbies. Instead I've been getting outside and working in the dirt.  My husband has plenty of stuff to keep him entertained, and I'm still cleaning up stuff inside the house and taking it out to the garage.  Why?  Because I can't throw it away, that's really important stuff!

Hubby asked me the other day what I wanted for Christmas.  It took me two days to come up with a list of about 3 things.  I just don't need anything, and everything i want, i already have!  The beautiful part is that none of it, not a singe solitary thing, is in that garage with all my very important stuff.

So, once again, I will tell my family and loved ones not to go out and buy anything for any of us.  I'm sure that there will still be those who just have to get that one really important gift.  Once again I will ask people to donate to those that don't have all the really really important stuff, like a long life to look forward to, health, food, a home, a job, hope, dreams, abilities, clothes, mental health, loved ones, or those who can't be with their families.  Once again, We will donate what we can in time and treasure, and not spend hours at the mall to load up all our loved ones with more really important stuff.  We will do our usual charitable contributions and spend some time giving back to our community.  Someone will inevitably get their feelings hurt that we didn't get them anything. 


So, this year my Christmas list boils down to one thing.

Dear Santa,

Please let everyone know that we are so amazingly grateful for what we have. Please say a prayer that they can feel as grateful and blessed as we do.


Sincerely, 
Peg
 
Next week when my daughter comes home from college, the boys are out of school and I've got a day off, the tree will be decked out in its usual eclectic array of colorful pieces of gratitude and it will feel right.

After all, isn't that the really important stuff?   Blessings!

Inspiring Driver's Liscense Check Point

Today was pretty hectic with the usual list of to-do’s as well as some surprises thrown in.  Here's one of the funniest and most inspiring blessings I had today.

Driving home from picking up kids and getting a trunk full of groceries, I ran into one of those police road blocks; the ones where they check your driver's license, and send you on your merry way -provided of course that you do have your driver's license.  As I approached the officers, I was deep in conversation with my daughter.  I stopped and greeted the officer with a smile and the usual pleasantries.  Then the officer examined my license.  Then a frown crossed his brow as he studied it some more.  He looked at me and back at the license several times, and I began to run several bad scenarios through my head as to why he seemed to be concerned.  Then it hit me and the conversation went like this:

"I promise officer, that is me.  I've lost about 50 pounds since I had that picture taken."

"Wow!  It sure doesn't look like you.  That's amazing!"

"Thank you officer, I guess I should go and get that changed."

"That would be super!  Amazing!  Have a nice day, and congratulations."

I don't think I've ever been next to a police officer with the blue lights flashing, and been smiling.   My daughter and I laughed and talked about it all the way home.  It just shows me how life's unexpected changes can bring new facets of joy into my life.

Now I go to the DMV for a new license and I'm happy about it!

Camo Eggs

This one is just for fun. 

It's amazing how far we've come from spending a full day boiling, dipping and decorating Easter eggs.  Last week I was doing my usual preEaster accessory and candy shopping.  I came across all kinds of prewrapped goodies, all kinds of toys and stuffed animals, and every size shape and flavor of “chocolate” bunny.  Then there are the little plastic eggs to put your goodies in, so you can hide them.  There are even different shapes now.  You can get buy sport ball shaped “eggs” and bunny shaped “eggs”   and even chick shaped “eggs.”  They come in pastel colors, bright, metallic, patterns and now camouflage!

That's right, some genius decided that hiding brightly colored eggs from small children wasn't fun enough, so now “we're takin’ it up a notch.”  Now, after these little youngsters wait for the only good candy reaping holiday besides Halloween, and sometimes after being dressed in clothes they are not allowed to get dirty – like that's ever happened, sitting through a long crowded church service and sometimes even after sitting through the giant clan gathering and engorgement, then they get the joy of finding camouflage eggs!  What deranged individual could do this to a child?

Here's the image I get.  Little Johnny in his white romper with the matching white shoes and Little Mary in her pink lacy dress and bonnet out in the yard filled with excitement.  Oh yeah!  A little plot of heaven filled with all kinds of sugary delights waiting for them.  All dressed in pretty little colorful eggs tucked away in the warm grass, by the garden or in the hedge.  NOT THIS YEAR!!!  (Scary music) Uncle Jimmy lurks behind the old oak tree with his paint ball gun.  Who's going to be first….not little Johnny…Nooooo!

You get the picture?  To me the only kid old enough to enjoy searching for camouflage Easter eggs is old enough to field dress the Easter Bunny.  What next, trip wire instead of tinsel on the Christmas tree?  I guess I'm just old fashioned ….or maybe just old. 

Hope you have a Happy Easter!

Quote by Kahlil Gibran

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran

The Gift

There's a story in the bible about Jesus feeding a crowd of people with a couple loaves of bread and a few fish.  There is also a movie called "Pay it Forward." Think of the story of "The Christmas Carol."  As a matter of fact there are many stories and songs about giving.  Many of them consist of stories of people who give far more than they set out to.

My point is, in my experience, giving is the true means to happiness and it creates unexpected and amazingly powerful results.  Generosity leads me to feel fulfillment and joy at seeing others happy.  Seeing a friend or family member graduate.  The birth of a child.  Watching a sports team win the game.  Hearing about a firefighter rescuing a person facing death.  Although you might be thinking “well I'm not giving anything to make these things happen," what about the support you offer these people?  Showing up for the game or coaching.  Sharing experience with first time parents, or parents under duress.  Showing your child that Firemen are heroes or just saying thank you.  Opening the door for the man on crutches.  All these things require our time and thought to stop and just give a moment or more to the world around us.  I've never walked away from an experience like that thinking "well, I sure wish I would have done less" although there have been many times I wish I could do more.

Many times in my life I have received gifts that are unrepayable.  There is no way to repay someone giving me that hand up out of the pit I blindly stepped into.  That person who sat next to me in the hospital when I was sleeping.  The man on the bus who offered me a tissue and a smile when I’d had a really bad day at work.
I'm just grateful that I have been given the awareness that giving magnifies the joy in my life.  It's like Kudzu.  Once it’s planted, it just grows expedentially.  The cool part for me is, I d it so much now, it’s a habit.  I don't expect a thank you, a repayment, or even an acknowledgement.  I still get the gift of giving regardless of whether the recipient feels grateful or not.

The other miracle is I have never been down and out and not been given a gift of some type by a caring friend, family member, or a complete stranger.  It’s like karma or something like that.  I've heard it said that the only way to keep what we have is to give it away.  I'm going to take it further to say the only way to get the prosperity, love and happiness we all crave is to simply give our gifts to others.  Whether it’s fixing a broken toaster, mowing a lawn, picking up a piece of trash from a park sidewalk, or listening to someone who needs to talk.

Give without fear, without expectation, and with love and joy.  It’s a gift to you!

One of my favorites by Robert Fulghrum

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten

by Robert Fulghum

Most of what I really need
To know about how to live
And what to do and how to be
I learned in kindergarten.
Wisdom was not at the top
Of the graduate school mountain,
But there in the sandpile at Sunday school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life -
Learn some and think some
And draw and paint and sing and dance
And play and work everyday some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world,
Watch out for traffic,
Hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.

Priorities

What is really important?  How is your life prioritized?

When asked, I say my family is my number one priority.  Everything else comes after that.  Being a great mom and a great wife are my passion.  I believe many women feel this way.  We prepare food to nourish them.  We may have a career to financially support our family.  Shopping, laundry, housekeeping, doctor visits, school projects, oil changes, sports, spiritual studies, yard work, and the list goes on.  Perhaps your kids are grown, or you and your partner do not have children.  Chances are you still have a list of all the important things that need to be done.

The question I have is how we actually determine what is more important?  Most of us would never consider that our needs and desires come first.  Oh, I know I ruffled feathers there!  Many relationships can suffer when one person not getting what they need or want.  If I really want to start a business grooming Alpacas, why can't I?  Think about it.  If my hearts desire, my personal mission in life, my drive is in the downy coats of Alpacas, will I be a happy person working behind a desk?  If I really love getting my hands greasy under the hood of a car, will I be happy making donuts?  It's essential for us to follow our hearts.  Not someday when I have the money, or when Pat finishes school, or when I have the time.  NOW!

My point is, we have been programed as women to do for others.  Don't get me wrong, I love that part of my life.  It's my passion.  The part I seem to miss is taking care of me.  I tend to put my needs and desires last on the list.  I'm been tired after a long day of working, but rather than take 15 minutes for a shower or a walk, I drudgingly step in the laundry room to put another load of wash in before dinner because it's what needs to be done.  Never mind that I have bitten everyone's head off all evening.  I've gotten up and pack kids lunches in the morning and skipped breakfast, or ate something while I'm driving kids to school.  Never mind that I've been distracted and hungry.  This isn't loving behavior.  This is martyrdom.  Its the same thing that says I have to ask to take a few hours away, or a weekend to spend with friends.  I have to make sure the calendar is clear of everyone else's events.

We are whole, complete and worthy of time, attention, money, relaxation, hanging out with our friends and love. My number one priority is ME!  This is the only body I have, I am the only mom and wife for my family.  If I'm sick, tired, depressed, angry or anxious, how much can I focus on my family?  My job?  My partner?  How much extra time, money, and recovery will it take when I have to be put on medication for high blood pressure, diabetes, psychiatry, drug rehabilitation or other serious issues?  Most of all, what kind of example am I giving to those around me?

So, my conclusion is this.  I need to take care of myself to efficiently take care of the others I love in a positive and loving way.  That may mean taking that shower or walking in the park.  Maybe its buying my favorite bag of cookies and saving them just for me.  Preparing a meal with my favorite foods.  Better yet, asking someone else to make the food.  Taking time to "recharge my batteries"  make me more energetic and enthusiastic about my life and makes me a much more positive person, and a much better example for my children and loved ones.

Perspective Check

Sometimes I forget that just by believing something is true, I make it true.  Truth is a subjective concept.  Perspective changes everything.  Have you ever looked at a sign, and when you read it said one thing, and when you read it again it said something different?  How about mistaking a speck of lint for a spider?  You know what I mean?  So, if I'm looking at that speck of dust thinking its a spider, I may feel anxious and I may go over there and dance around on it to be sure its dead.  I may go get a broom to sweep it out the door with, or I may change my view to be sure that it really is a spider.
 I just had an experience where I sent an application to several places to receive a service.  I had a few of them that just did not respond to my application at all.  Since I had an item on my application that I was feeling strong guilt about, I assumed that those places saw me as a bad person, or thought I was cruel because that's how I feel about the situation.  A friend asked me if that's what they said and  I had to reply that I didn't know because I hadn't talked to them.
Perspective.....  The only perspective I have is clouded by my own feelings of guilt and pain.  Is it the truth?  Probably not.  I'm sure there are other reasons why I may not have been contacted.  Perhaps, the service was no longer available.  Perhaps they are out of town, and haven't checked their messages.  Maybe they never got the message.  Maybe they forgot.  I really have no idea why the did not contact me.  Does it matter?  I got what I needed anyway.
So here i sit in judgment of myself over a single possibility out of many.  Why?  Perspective clouded by my own judgment.  Thanks to good honest and loving women, I have learned that perception is not truth.  Perception is simply the lens that I use to see the world.  The truth is unknown......

Resolve to be a master of change rather than a victim of change. ~ Brian Tracy