The Gift

There's a story in the bible about Jesus feeding a crowd of people with a couple loaves of bread and a few fish.  There is also a movie called "Pay it Forward." Think of the story of "The Christmas Carol."  As a matter of fact there are many stories and songs about giving.  Many of them consist of stories of people who give far more than they set out to.

My point is, in my experience, giving is the true means to happiness and it creates unexpected and amazingly powerful results.  Generosity leads me to feel fulfillment and joy at seeing others happy.  Seeing a friend or family member graduate.  The birth of a child.  Watching a sports team win the game.  Hearing about a firefighter rescuing a person facing death.  Although you might be thinking “well I'm not giving anything to make these things happen," what about the support you offer these people?  Showing up for the game or coaching.  Sharing experience with first time parents, or parents under duress.  Showing your child that Firemen are heroes or just saying thank you.  Opening the door for the man on crutches.  All these things require our time and thought to stop and just give a moment or more to the world around us.  I've never walked away from an experience like that thinking "well, I sure wish I would have done less" although there have been many times I wish I could do more.

Many times in my life I have received gifts that are unrepayable.  There is no way to repay someone giving me that hand up out of the pit I blindly stepped into.  That person who sat next to me in the hospital when I was sleeping.  The man on the bus who offered me a tissue and a smile when I’d had a really bad day at work.
I'm just grateful that I have been given the awareness that giving magnifies the joy in my life.  It's like Kudzu.  Once it’s planted, it just grows expedentially.  The cool part for me is, I d it so much now, it’s a habit.  I don't expect a thank you, a repayment, or even an acknowledgement.  I still get the gift of giving regardless of whether the recipient feels grateful or not.

The other miracle is I have never been down and out and not been given a gift of some type by a caring friend, family member, or a complete stranger.  It’s like karma or something like that.  I've heard it said that the only way to keep what we have is to give it away.  I'm going to take it further to say the only way to get the prosperity, love and happiness we all crave is to simply give our gifts to others.  Whether it’s fixing a broken toaster, mowing a lawn, picking up a piece of trash from a park sidewalk, or listening to someone who needs to talk.

Give without fear, without expectation, and with love and joy.  It’s a gift to you!

One of my favorites by Robert Fulghrum

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten

by Robert Fulghum

Most of what I really need
To know about how to live
And what to do and how to be
I learned in kindergarten.
Wisdom was not at the top
Of the graduate school mountain,
But there in the sandpile at Sunday school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life -
Learn some and think some
And draw and paint and sing and dance
And play and work everyday some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world,
Watch out for traffic,
Hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.

Priorities

What is really important?  How is your life prioritized?

When asked, I say my family is my number one priority.  Everything else comes after that.  Being a great mom and a great wife are my passion.  I believe many women feel this way.  We prepare food to nourish them.  We may have a career to financially support our family.  Shopping, laundry, housekeeping, doctor visits, school projects, oil changes, sports, spiritual studies, yard work, and the list goes on.  Perhaps your kids are grown, or you and your partner do not have children.  Chances are you still have a list of all the important things that need to be done.

The question I have is how we actually determine what is more important?  Most of us would never consider that our needs and desires come first.  Oh, I know I ruffled feathers there!  Many relationships can suffer when one person not getting what they need or want.  If I really want to start a business grooming Alpacas, why can't I?  Think about it.  If my hearts desire, my personal mission in life, my drive is in the downy coats of Alpacas, will I be a happy person working behind a desk?  If I really love getting my hands greasy under the hood of a car, will I be happy making donuts?  It's essential for us to follow our hearts.  Not someday when I have the money, or when Pat finishes school, or when I have the time.  NOW!

My point is, we have been programed as women to do for others.  Don't get me wrong, I love that part of my life.  It's my passion.  The part I seem to miss is taking care of me.  I tend to put my needs and desires last on the list.  I'm been tired after a long day of working, but rather than take 15 minutes for a shower or a walk, I drudgingly step in the laundry room to put another load of wash in before dinner because it's what needs to be done.  Never mind that I have bitten everyone's head off all evening.  I've gotten up and pack kids lunches in the morning and skipped breakfast, or ate something while I'm driving kids to school.  Never mind that I've been distracted and hungry.  This isn't loving behavior.  This is martyrdom.  Its the same thing that says I have to ask to take a few hours away, or a weekend to spend with friends.  I have to make sure the calendar is clear of everyone else's events.

We are whole, complete and worthy of time, attention, money, relaxation, hanging out with our friends and love. My number one priority is ME!  This is the only body I have, I am the only mom and wife for my family.  If I'm sick, tired, depressed, angry or anxious, how much can I focus on my family?  My job?  My partner?  How much extra time, money, and recovery will it take when I have to be put on medication for high blood pressure, diabetes, psychiatry, drug rehabilitation or other serious issues?  Most of all, what kind of example am I giving to those around me?

So, my conclusion is this.  I need to take care of myself to efficiently take care of the others I love in a positive and loving way.  That may mean taking that shower or walking in the park.  Maybe its buying my favorite bag of cookies and saving them just for me.  Preparing a meal with my favorite foods.  Better yet, asking someone else to make the food.  Taking time to "recharge my batteries"  make me more energetic and enthusiastic about my life and makes me a much more positive person, and a much better example for my children and loved ones.

Perspective Check

Sometimes I forget that just by believing something is true, I make it true.  Truth is a subjective concept.  Perspective changes everything.  Have you ever looked at a sign, and when you read it said one thing, and when you read it again it said something different?  How about mistaking a speck of lint for a spider?  You know what I mean?  So, if I'm looking at that speck of dust thinking its a spider, I may feel anxious and I may go over there and dance around on it to be sure its dead.  I may go get a broom to sweep it out the door with, or I may change my view to be sure that it really is a spider.
 I just had an experience where I sent an application to several places to receive a service.  I had a few of them that just did not respond to my application at all.  Since I had an item on my application that I was feeling strong guilt about, I assumed that those places saw me as a bad person, or thought I was cruel because that's how I feel about the situation.  A friend asked me if that's what they said and  I had to reply that I didn't know because I hadn't talked to them.
Perspective.....  The only perspective I have is clouded by my own feelings of guilt and pain.  Is it the truth?  Probably not.  I'm sure there are other reasons why I may not have been contacted.  Perhaps, the service was no longer available.  Perhaps they are out of town, and haven't checked their messages.  Maybe they never got the message.  Maybe they forgot.  I really have no idea why the did not contact me.  Does it matter?  I got what I needed anyway.
So here i sit in judgment of myself over a single possibility out of many.  Why?  Perspective clouded by my own judgment.  Thanks to good honest and loving women, I have learned that perception is not truth.  Perception is simply the lens that I use to see the world.  The truth is unknown......