As parents, teach our kids all about life.
That’s what being a parent is. We
teach our kids about personal safety. We
teach them their phone number. We teach
them about safe sex. We show them how to
drive a car, ride a bike, use a knife and a plethora of other real life
lessons. But, how many of us have a real
discussion with our kids about healthy marriage values? Have you told your kids about commitment? What it takes to be married and stay married
for life? It’s really important
stuff. When I grew up, I rarely saw my
parents argue. Hardly ever saw any
affection between them. The thought of
them having sex was shocking! I was
about twelve the first time I remember seeing my mom really angry with my dad
and my assumption was they were going to get a divorce. So, do we leave it to the modern media to
teach our kids about healthy relationships, our school teachers, or our kids' peer groups? I think not!!
Conflict is normal: One of the first things my kids learned to understand was
that parents get mad at each other and that’s okay. We are different people with different
ideas. Sometimes one of us makes a
mistake or gets a bit cranky and we get under the other’s skin. We may even raise our voices and say bad
words. But, kids need to see by example
that conflict is a part of life and conflict resolution is possible no matter
what the issue is. When people love each
other, they figure out a way to work things out. End of story.
Parents make mistakes.
We are human and therefore prone to fall flat on our faces occasionally. When you are committed to a spouse you
forgive. Let’s face it. When you get married, they don’t issue a
score card. There’s also no manual!
Sometimes it seems like one parent has failed so horribly that the other one is
just flabbergasted. It may take some time for the other parent to accept and move
on. Commitment means forgiveness.
We are unique: We don’t have to like the same things. Parents can have very different
interests. We can each have our own
tastes in music, art, cultural norms, morals, hobbies and even religions. Some of the things one parent enjoys may make
the other one roll their eyes or run screaming into another room. Parents can still be individuals and still
love each other very much. They can even do things they don’t like to do simply
because it brings joy to their spouse.
We march to our own drum: Parents can do things differently and still accomplish the
same thing. Okay, so mom puts the
peanut butter on the bread first. Don’t
yell at dad because he puts the jelly on first!
The sandwich is getting made isn't it?
You don’t like it, here’s the bread and the knife. Help yourself. Parents each have a way of doing things that
works for them. Sometimes different is
fun, because you might be able to get away with something. Sometimes not, so be careful.
So a few of the things they learn, especially when they are young, are really about humanity. Respect is one the the key ingredients to our relationships with others. It's critical in a marriage. That's why many marriage vows include words like "honor" and "respect." We are gifts to one another, not possessions. We have free will. It's important in marriage to recognize this and appreciate it.
