What Every Kid Needs To Know About Their Parents Marriage (Part 1)

             As parents, teach our kids all about life.  That’s what being a parent is.  We teach our kids about personal safety.  We teach them their phone number.  We teach them about safe sex.  We show them how to drive a car, ride a bike, use a knife and a plethora of other real life lessons.  But, how many of us have a real discussion with our kids about healthy marriage values?  Have you told your kids about commitment?  What it takes to be married and stay married for life?  It’s really important stuff.  When I grew up, I rarely saw my parents argue.  Hardly ever saw any affection between them.  The thought of them having sex was shocking!  I was about twelve the first time I remember seeing my mom really angry with my dad and my assumption was they were going to get a divorce.  So, do we leave it to the modern media to teach our kids about healthy relationships, our school teachers, or our kids' peer groups? I think not!!

Conflict is normal: One of the first things my kids learned to understand was that parents get mad at each other and that’s okay.  We are different people with different ideas.  Sometimes one of us makes a mistake or gets a bit cranky and we get under the other’s skin.  We may even raise our voices and say bad words.  But, kids need to see by example that conflict is a part of life and conflict resolution is possible no matter what the issue is.  When people love each other, they figure out a way to work things out.  End of story.

Parents make mistakes.  We are human and therefore prone to fall flat on our faces occasionally.  When you are committed to a spouse you forgive.  Let’s face it.  When you get married, they don’t issue a score card.  There’s also no manual! Sometimes it seems like one parent has failed so horribly that the other one is just flabbergasted. It may take some time for the other parent to accept and move on.  Commitment means forgiveness.

We are unique:  We don’t have to like the same things.  Parents can have very different interests.  We can each have our own tastes in music, art, cultural norms, morals, hobbies and even religions.  Some of the things one parent enjoys may make the other one roll their eyes or run screaming into another room.  Parents can still be individuals and still love each other very much. They can even do things they don’t like to do simply because it brings joy to their spouse.

We march to our own drum:  Parents can do things differently and still accomplish the same thing.  Okay, so mom puts the peanut butter on the bread first.  Don’t yell at dad because he puts the jelly on first!  The sandwich is getting made isn't it?  You don’t like it, here’s the bread and the knife.  Help yourself.  Parents each have a way of doing things that works for them.  Sometimes different is fun, because you might be able to get away with something.  Sometimes not, so be careful.

So a few of the things they learn, especially when they are young, are really about humanity.  Respect is one the the key ingredients to our relationships with others.  It's critical in a marriage.  That's why many marriage vows include words like "honor" and "respect."  We are gifts to one another, not possessions.  We have free will.  It's important in marriage to recognize this and appreciate it.

5 things I do every day guaranteed to help me feel good.

1. Make my bed. 

               I choose to care for my ultimate recharging station.  This is where my physical body rejuvenates! Even if nothing else gets done all day, at least I will get to pull back the covers and snuggle down when I go back to bed that night.  I can throw off all of the business and the chores.  Thoughts and worries are tossed aside for tomorrow.  Then the transition of immersion into restfulness and recharging begins.  Everyone is outside of my little cocoon – except those invited in of course.

2. Go outside.

               There’s a big world out there.  I need reminding that it’s there.  I may feel alone, cut-off or trapped.  I take a few minutes and realize that the only bars on the cage are the ones I put there.  Life is about the choices I make. I make the choice to open the door.  Maybe it’s scary out there, or I am afraid of who might come in.  That’s all the more reason to step out.  There are far more places to go! 

3. Connect with someone human.

               I need connection.  Hey, I love my dog too, but we all need human connection.  I can go for coffee, call a friend, go to a spiritual service, or say hi to the mail carrier.  I never know where my next new friend will come from or when an old friend or loved one may just need a connection too.

4. Learn one new thing.

               Enrichment keeps my brain healthy.  Every so often I get stuck and I can use something to get the juices flowing.  It can start a conversation, restart a train of thought, or give inspiration.  Perhaps I need a gentle nudge in a new direction.  I may be bored. 

5. Connect internally

               Each in our own understanding needs to feel meaning and purpose for our lives.  Even for our very existence.  However I view my relationship with the world, the universe or God, I need to tap into that for my core regeneration.  Taking time to contemplate, meditate, pray, pet the dog, walk the beach, read a poem, examine a painting, listen to music, or anything it is that takes me to a place of peace.

In the Beginning

This is my personal interpretation of what some call Genesis, Chapter 1.  I'm making it as simple as possible.  I try to keep things as simple as I can anyway.  Some people, whatever belief system they use, are reluctant to use a specific name for what some religions call "God", so I am using a universally understandible name. Pat.  My beliefs are that this force - for lack of a better term - has no physical form, so has no sexual orientation, race, or other physical prejudice. Pat has given us the most rudimentary understanding of life in a way we can understand it, and the ability to choose our actions and beliefs.  Being a very finite being, I cannot, or will ever be able to even remotely understand the magnitude of how things work or why.  I can however base my beliefs and decisions  on what I have learned is right or wrong, what has happened before, the wisdom of others and predictions for the future.  I do not believe that science and faith have to be opposed to one another.  One can support the other to make it all understandable.  I hope you like the story. 

At the very start of everything we know there was Pat.  Pat had been there for… well, forever.  So Pat was hanging out a long time ago, and said “Pat!  Why don’t we do something today?” so, this is the story of what Pat decided to do.

1.       Once upon a time, Pat created the stuff of the universe.

2.       There wasn’t any rhyme or reason to it, so Pat looked at it and Pat watched it and moved around it for a while.

3.       Then Pat said “This is a mess!  Let’s get some of this stuff organized and make something. Pat gave it a zap and it made a big bright light.

4.       Pat thought “Hey, that’s the right idea!” So Pat let the dust settle into stars and galaxies with planets, ours specifically.

5.       Pat called the bright time “day” and the dark time “night”. Then Pat decided to let it brew for a while. That’s what happened first.

6.       Pat decided to work on our planet some more. Pat said “let’s separate some of this stuff into gas and liquid.”

7.       So there was some gas and some liquid.

8.       Pat called the gas “sky” and then let it brew some more. That’s what happened second.

9.       Then Pat got busy again and said “let’s get all the liquid in one place and get something solid in here.”  It happened just like that.

10.   Pat called the solid stuff “earth” and the liquid stuff “sea.” Pat really liked it.

11.   Pat said “let’s get some stuff growing in the earth and making seeds to spread around.”

12.   Some of the stuff became plants and the plants started spreading around. Pat liked that too.

13.   That’s what happened third.

14.   Then Pat said “let’s make sure we’ve got enough light and dark times(but not too dark so make sure the moon is out at night), and we have to give everything a time to grow and rest so we’ll make days, seasons and let it all do it over and over every 365 days or so .”

15.   The days had sun and the nights had the moon.  So that’s the way it was.

16.   Pat made sure the sun and moon were just right so the sun was nice and bright during the day and the moon kept it just a little light at night. Oh, and Pat made sure you can see the stars too.

17.   Pat made sure the sun and the moon were working just right.

18.   and made sure we had enough day time and night time too. Pat said “That’s great!”

19.   So Pat thought for a while and waited. That was the fourth thing that happened.

20.   Pat said “It’s time to make some animals. We’ll make lots of fish and animals in the sea; and birds flying around in the sky.”

21.   Pat made great big squids, and sharks and whales and all kinds of fish and all the other animals in the sea. Pat made all the different kinds of birds too.  Pat liked it.

22.   He made them healthy and strong and said “Alright everybody, I’ve given you everything you need. Fill the place up.”

23.   Then Pat waited some more. That’s what happened fifth.

24.   Pat’s next idea came up. “Now let’s put animals on the land part. We need some mammals, Insects, reptiles and amphibians.” and it happened.

25.   Pat made sure they could all reproduce in their own way.  Pat was very pleased with how everything was working out.

26.   Pat said “Let’s all get together and make humans who are creative, smart, responsible, and kind to take care of all the animals we made.”

27.   They all got together and made men and women to represent them. They did! They made people who were just like they are.

28.   Pat made them healthy, creative, smart, responsible, and kind; and said “We want you to take care of things around here; it’s a big job so make some more people. You are responsible for taking care of the fish and birds and all the other animals on the land too. “

29.   Pat said “We’ve given you all the fruit and vegetables you need to stay fit and healthy.  So eat them.

30.   I’ve made sure all the animals have plenty of healthy vegetables too.” And that’s the way it was.

31.   Pat looked everything over and thought it was really, really great.  That was the sixth thing that happened.

The "Secret" of Fishing

This morning I got up about 5am with just a hint of day light peeking over the horizon.  I had packed up the truck yesterday, and didn't get to go.  So everything was ready to roll this morning.  I jump in the truck and head to my newly discovered fishing hole.  Going over the bridge one day, I looked out and saw the lake with some nice little fishing spots along the shore.  Wow, this is going to be great!

So I get to the bridge and notice that there is another truck there.  “Darn, competition!  Hope he hasn't caught all the good ones.”  Unload the gear; tackle box, folding chair, two rods, bait, and personal paraphernalia.  Now, to get down there.  The side of the road I parked on is a sheer cliff to the water, and a good walk to far shore.  I walk across the street.  More cliffs.  “What the heck!  There is an opening in the brush in front of me, so this should be okay.”

One step, two steps, here we go………..  There I was, sliding down the muddy slope on my backside. Tackle box, folding chair, two rods, bait, and personal paraphernalia all in hand.  Then the spider webs.  Finally I land doing the spider dance as well as the spider song. “Ahhhhhh! Bleeeeck!  Oooooh!  Ahhhhhh!”  Repeat.  I look up and there is my competition looking at me from about 30 feet away like, well, you can imagine.

So, I’m standing in the mud with about 3 feet from me to the water.  I drop all my gear, quietly of course, and proceed to fish.  I caught several limb brim, log trout, and leaf bass, but since I’m a conservationist, I threw them all back.  As I’m fighting with the local flora, quietly of course, my competition proceeds to bring up fish after fish. I knew he was going to be selfish.

I picked up the tackle box, folding chair, two rods, bait, and personal paraphernalia, and moved down the bank to a different heavenly cove, and being hopeful, I baited both rods, and set them out.  Nothing…

So, I pack up my tackle box, folding chair, two rods, bait, and personal paraphernalia, and look for a way to get out without sliding down a cliff.  Low and behold I spot a wide path opening like the clouds after a storm.  Finally a break.  All uphill, I trudge along hauling my tackle box, folding chair, two rods, bait, and personal paraphernalia.  In front of me the path clears and I see the road.  Or at least I thought it was the road.  Then I see the gate and the sign “No Trespassing.”  Thankfully the gate was open and I head for my escape.  Then I hear them.  “Woof woof woof” Three very large dogs come down the driveway.  I tuck my head down and walk gingerly toward the gate.  As soon as I get to the road, all the while being followed, I look down and see my truck about a quarter mile away.  I carefully set down my tackle box, folding chair, two rods, bait, and personal paraphernalia, and head for my salvation.  The dogs followed me about half way there, and I guess seeing that I just wanted to get out of there, left to find some poor animal to terrorize.

I hop in my truck and off we go.  I did have to stop and get my tackle box, folding chair, two rods, bait, and personal paraphernalia.

Being the eternal optimist, I look at the whole trip as an adventure.  I learned several things on my excursion. I learned that looking at things at a distance doesn’t always allow you to see the things closest to you.  Things like drop offs and piles of logs.  Even other people.  Taking a strange path, even if it looks well worn, will likely lead to the unexpected.  Not that that is a bad thing.  Also, walk slowly and carefully when you are afraid.  No matter the distance, it’s better than being bit in the bum. This was not a failure by any means.   

So although I didn’t catch anything worth bringing home, I have a great fishing story.  That’s all that really matters anyway.  At least in fishing.

Christmas Wish List

Usually, on Black Friday, our family gathers in the living room to decorate the tree with the wild assortment of ornaments our family has collected over the years.  We spend the day talking about when we got them, what happened that year, and usually the "oh wow" of getting where we are from where we were. 

Well, for the first time in a very very long time, I was working outside my home on Black Friday.  My daughter is off at college, and it seemed so wrong to do it on Thanksgiving.  Since then, it hasn't seemed right to do it either.  I come up with one excuse or another and it just doesn't get done.

Today, I wasn't working, and had the house pretty much to myself.  I made big plans to get the lights and decorations on the tree, get the decor out, etc.  Never happened.  As I stood there in the living room staring at the bare tree and coming up with new reasons why I can't get it decorated, I had one of my Epiphanies.

We moved into this lovely home in August.  It is everything I have ever wanted in a home, and I plan on being here through the rest of my life.  It's half the size of our last home, and I'm truly grateful not to have to care for all that extra space and its contents.  Since I've been working, I haven't had time to do all the wonderful things I had planned to really make this house our home.  No pictures on the walls, no curtains in the windows - blinds, but no curtains - no new paint, and the list goes on.  Life throws you some curve balls, and sometimes you just have to step back from the plate.

So as I contemplated my sad little tree, I started thinking about all the other things that aren't in the house.  Most of that really important stuff is still in boxes in the garage.  Hmmmm..... 

Hold on!

I've lived here for 5 months, been happier than I've ever been, have the home of my dreams, great schools for my terrific kids, an amazing husband, a brilliant daughter in college, a wonderful job with great coworkers, a warm and friendly community, and a garage full of really important stuff. 

The last few years, we have asked our loved ones not to get our family any Christmas gifts.   If they feel the must get us something, we ask them to make a donation to a charity instead.  For the most part, our friends and family respect our wishes, but there are always a few that feel the need to get that one little thing - usually for our kids - for whatever reason. We don't send holiday cards because frankly we don't have the time, we keep in touch with most folks regularly and we're not the photogenic type. I mean in all reality, we spend $20 on a new widget for Auntie Sandra in the hopes that she likes it, and Auntie Sandra spends $20 on us buying a widget she hopes we will like, so what's the point?  To keep from having a guilty conscious about giving enough?

So, back to the really important stuff in the garage.  I have boxes filled with toys, clothes, furniture, papers - gotta keep those for the IRS though, electronics, appliances, decor, stuff that hasn't been out of boxes in years, heirlooms, memorabilia, mementos, you name it.  Our family has not shed a single tear over whats out there, simply because...its not that important!  My boys have entertained themselves with a few toys and a game console.  I've really not had time to mess with all my hobbies. Instead I've been getting outside and working in the dirt.  My husband has plenty of stuff to keep him entertained, and I'm still cleaning up stuff inside the house and taking it out to the garage.  Why?  Because I can't throw it away, that's really important stuff!

Hubby asked me the other day what I wanted for Christmas.  It took me two days to come up with a list of about 3 things.  I just don't need anything, and everything i want, i already have!  The beautiful part is that none of it, not a singe solitary thing, is in that garage with all my very important stuff.

So, once again, I will tell my family and loved ones not to go out and buy anything for any of us.  I'm sure that there will still be those who just have to get that one really important gift.  Once again I will ask people to donate to those that don't have all the really really important stuff, like a long life to look forward to, health, food, a home, a job, hope, dreams, abilities, clothes, mental health, loved ones, or those who can't be with their families.  Once again, We will donate what we can in time and treasure, and not spend hours at the mall to load up all our loved ones with more really important stuff.  We will do our usual charitable contributions and spend some time giving back to our community.  Someone will inevitably get their feelings hurt that we didn't get them anything. 


So, this year my Christmas list boils down to one thing.

Dear Santa,

Please let everyone know that we are so amazingly grateful for what we have. Please say a prayer that they can feel as grateful and blessed as we do.


Sincerely, 
Peg
 
Next week when my daughter comes home from college, the boys are out of school and I've got a day off, the tree will be decked out in its usual eclectic array of colorful pieces of gratitude and it will feel right.

After all, isn't that the really important stuff?   Blessings!

Inspiring Driver's Liscense Check Point

Today was pretty hectic with the usual list of to-do’s as well as some surprises thrown in.  Here's one of the funniest and most inspiring blessings I had today.

Driving home from picking up kids and getting a trunk full of groceries, I ran into one of those police road blocks; the ones where they check your driver's license, and send you on your merry way -provided of course that you do have your driver's license.  As I approached the officers, I was deep in conversation with my daughter.  I stopped and greeted the officer with a smile and the usual pleasantries.  Then the officer examined my license.  Then a frown crossed his brow as he studied it some more.  He looked at me and back at the license several times, and I began to run several bad scenarios through my head as to why he seemed to be concerned.  Then it hit me and the conversation went like this:

"I promise officer, that is me.  I've lost about 50 pounds since I had that picture taken."

"Wow!  It sure doesn't look like you.  That's amazing!"

"Thank you officer, I guess I should go and get that changed."

"That would be super!  Amazing!  Have a nice day, and congratulations."

I don't think I've ever been next to a police officer with the blue lights flashing, and been smiling.   My daughter and I laughed and talked about it all the way home.  It just shows me how life's unexpected changes can bring new facets of joy into my life.

Now I go to the DMV for a new license and I'm happy about it!

Camo Eggs

This one is just for fun. 

It's amazing how far we've come from spending a full day boiling, dipping and decorating Easter eggs.  Last week I was doing my usual preEaster accessory and candy shopping.  I came across all kinds of prewrapped goodies, all kinds of toys and stuffed animals, and every size shape and flavor of “chocolate” bunny.  Then there are the little plastic eggs to put your goodies in, so you can hide them.  There are even different shapes now.  You can get buy sport ball shaped “eggs” and bunny shaped “eggs”   and even chick shaped “eggs.”  They come in pastel colors, bright, metallic, patterns and now camouflage!

That's right, some genius decided that hiding brightly colored eggs from small children wasn't fun enough, so now “we're takin’ it up a notch.”  Now, after these little youngsters wait for the only good candy reaping holiday besides Halloween, and sometimes after being dressed in clothes they are not allowed to get dirty – like that's ever happened, sitting through a long crowded church service and sometimes even after sitting through the giant clan gathering and engorgement, then they get the joy of finding camouflage eggs!  What deranged individual could do this to a child?

Here's the image I get.  Little Johnny in his white romper with the matching white shoes and Little Mary in her pink lacy dress and bonnet out in the yard filled with excitement.  Oh yeah!  A little plot of heaven filled with all kinds of sugary delights waiting for them.  All dressed in pretty little colorful eggs tucked away in the warm grass, by the garden or in the hedge.  NOT THIS YEAR!!!  (Scary music) Uncle Jimmy lurks behind the old oak tree with his paint ball gun.  Who's going to be first….not little Johnny…Nooooo!

You get the picture?  To me the only kid old enough to enjoy searching for camouflage Easter eggs is old enough to field dress the Easter Bunny.  What next, trip wire instead of tinsel on the Christmas tree?  I guess I'm just old fashioned ….or maybe just old. 

Hope you have a Happy Easter!